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Categories: Barcelona, Natasha

The balance between dreaming and pre-hatched-chicken counting

September 5, 2015 Leave a comment

I used to be a serious, no exceptions, non-counter of egg-trapped chicks. It was a mindset that came with youth for me, but also one I adopted because of the fear of a jinx – that if I wished for something too hard, that if I didn’t guard it with my whole self, the world would know my wish and that would make it not come true. I guess I thought the world was against me. Typical teenager. Something must’ve happened where I thought I was going to win student of the month or something and so really thought I was going to get it, so I planned my outfit for the announcement day and then the outfit was a waste because I didn’t win that month. Who knows.

But now I’m older and wiser and I know that, for me, jinxes are silly and excuses not to dream, wish and hope. So I thought I’d stopped containing my dreams for the most part. Until last week. When I realised that after seeing a place we wanted to buy (and starting the process and getting thisclose only to have a friend of the buyer swoop in and steal 1st priority) and imagining us in it and the guests we’d entertain and the furniture we’d buy, I hesitated to put pen to paper (or typed words to Macbook sticky, as the case may be) to list all the things we’d need to buy to furnish it. I do think it was less about jinxing and more about controlling my excitement, but still. I did end up making the list, because I realised I was regressing to a pre-teen version of myself, as well as because I WANTED to dream! I wanted to be ready to populate that place with all our new things asap!

Who to believe? A fictional princess who's dressed by tiny animals? Or an Emerald (City)-tinged sorceress with a bad rep?

Who to believe? A cartoon princess who’s dressed by tiny animals? Or an Emerald (City)-tinged sorceress with a bad rep??

I also thought I’d grown to believe that things happen as they do, maybe for a reason, and that of course there will always be factors outside of our control. And that because maybe something better will happen as a result, I should let things go, especially when I can’t do anything about it anyway. C’est la vie, que será, etc. But here also, I failed. I was angry and upset and so disappointed and I let it ruin my mood (and others’) for a day or two. I guess there’s always room to grow and improve and sometimes we need something we don’t want to happen to happen to remember that. To remember that it’s not always going to be a beautiful morning, a beautiful day, that everything won’t always go my way. We don’t live in Oklahoma, after all.

So now I’m just trying to figure out how to achieve that perfect balance, because I’ve heard conflicting thoughts in some of my favorite lyrics!

Is a dream a wish your heart makes? Or shouldn’t you even start dreaming, because wishing only wounds the heart?

To Making it Count

August 14, 2015 Leave a comment

Jack-Rose-jack-and-rose-24036006-500-200

Yup, I know that’s what you thought of too.

The past month has been amazing. No exaggeration. And I think, unlike young me, I did make it count. I didn’t get sad that it was starting because that meant it would end (yes I used to do that. Even up until this past December). I didn’t regret forgetting or not doing small, specific things. I didn’t focus on the small, specific things I did remember to the point of forgetting about the bigger picture. I let things go (! Did anyone know this was possible???) and took things as they came. Yes, that is mostly thanks to my amazing parents and sisters dealing with all those small, specific things behind the scenes so that everything went seamlessly and I didn’t have to worry, but still. I took each and every moment in. I enjoyed each one. And I made each wonderful day count.

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So yes, now, I’m sad it’s over and I wish I could rewind and live it all all over again. But who wouldn’t?! Those of you who were there understand. It was such a great few days with family and friends in a foreign place with lots to discover. Speaking of Titanic and people who were at the wedding, this is what walking into the reception between two rows of a lot of your fave people in the world felt like:

As emotional as you think it would be.

Anyway, I digress. We landed in Barcelona (very) early this morning. We live here now, guys. It’s weird. So so weird. I don’t know why, since I’ve moved 1,000 times, but maybe because I have a husband now and stuff? Idk. Irdk. James got out his laptop and got to work lawyering and stuff, and I continued what feels like the fruitless search for a home. We went out to the Meatpacking Bistro around the corner for a quick lunch and when James went back, I decided to embark on a few errands – buying some stamps, depositing cash at the bank and picking up my debit card, picking up Spanish-made thank you cards for our wedding gifts. I finished at the post office and headed to the bank. Closed. Not only was it siesta time, but also summer hours. Doh. Double whammy. Forgot about that siesta thing. Tried the stationery store anyway, but also closed. So I headed back to the hotel to continue apartment-hunting. Siesta. Noted.

By the time James finished work and we started to get hungry for dinner, it was around 7, so we started looking places up. One didn’t open for dinner til 8 and another until 8:30! How am I going to survive these young people hours?! We chose a restaurant that would fulfil my udon craving and headed out. Guess what. Closed. Summer, guys. Headed to the other – closed. Okay, roaming around til we find something that looks good it is! Ended up at a Japanese place, where I discovered that although I usually try to like ramen and fail, for some reason I like Spain’s take on ramen.

Anyway, back to making it count. Although those previous 2 paragraphs sound whiny, I was trying to make a point. Because as we crossed the Avenida Diagonal back to our hotel tonight and I saw the almost-empty streets around us, I realized they would be filling up relatively soon as Festa Mejor started and the vacationers returned and that would mean that it would soon be autumn, and then suddenly I saw the 2 years of my MBA flash by. (Yes, my wheels move fast and yes this was all in the space of crossing the street. The Avenida is very wide.) Can’t allow that! So I reminded myself to savor those empty streets and take it all in.

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Phew. Glad that happened on our first night here! No chances to regret anything!

So basically, guys:

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But maybe tell me ahead of time, otherwise I won’t know when to meet you at the clock.

xoxo

This post brought to you by: James Cameron ‘s wife and a reminder that life’s a gif…t.